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Changes In A Man Who Is Abusive

1. Does he cut her off, or finish her sentences when she is speaking?

2. If family or friends visit, is he always present?

3. If they attend gatherings, such as, dinners or cook-outs, is he always in close range?

4. If she is on the telephone, does he ask who she is talking to?

At the age of 18, I was so excited to start college and begin a new life. I met this really cute upper classman at the beginning of my first semester. What could be better?!!!

We dated for a while and things were great, all of my friends told me, if I dropped him, they would take him. All of a sudden, he started showing up at the music building to see what I was doing. He told me who I could and could not talk to, also he started telling me what to wear and not to wear. All this time, I thought this was love! As time went on the control got worse.

We were walking across campus and he said, “Who are you looking at?”

I said, “No one, there are hundreds of people walking around here.”

He told me to never look away from him. Again, I thought this was love!

Another time, I was in the music library and a male student was there also. We were talking about our homework, which was analyzing the music we were listening to. My boyfriend walked into the library. He looked at both of us and said to come in the hall with him. There he accused me of having sex with this boy. I had never been with anyone, much less this boy. I cried and begged him to believe me. He would not. He told me to never be alone in a room with a male student. Again, foolishly, I thought this was love, that he wanted me all to himself!

I did not know that what he was doing to me was abuse. The Red Flags where all there but I did not know them at this time. These are some of the Red Flags:

1. Wants to know where you are all of the time.

2. Frequent calls, emails and texts.

3. Checking your text messages and emails to see who is contacting you or who you are contacting.

4. Criticizes you and/or puts you down.

5. Takes no responsibility for their behavior and blames others.

6. Insists that you stop spending time with family and friends.

7. Controlling who you see, where you go and what you do.

8. Excessively jealous and accuses you of having an affair.

Throughout all of this, I still loved him. I thought he was the man of my life. We were married the summer before my senior year. I still thought, all of what was happening to me was because he loved me! Jealousy is not love! Telling you what to do all of the time, this is not love! Keeping you away from you friends and family, this is not love!

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