A number of years ago, I was 18 months pregnant, and had a miscarriage. The next Sunday I was in church. I started getting emotional during the worship service, so I went downstairs to the lady’s room. I started to cry, this was a very hard time for me. A lady I knew came into the lady’s room, and started to talk to me. She told me that I needed to get over those feelings. She said that people have it a lot worse than I did. She explained that she had a still birth years before. This church member continued to tell me how hard it was for her because she carried her baby for 9 months, and I was only pregnant for four and a half months. I started feeling guilty for being so emotional over my situation in comparison to hers. Yes, what she went through was awful. I could not imagine how she felt. I continued to cry as she left the lady’s room. I fell into a deep depression. This lady had no idea that my husband had caused my miscarriage. She had told me that God allowed it to happen for a reason. Maybe the baby was going to have health issues. She didn’t know that I was being abused on a daily basis.
Our family went camping in the mountains of West Virginia with another family. I started to bleed a lot and had severe cramps. I finally told my friend and she told my husband. He took me to a small hospital in the mountains. I had a very hard time. I didn’t tell anyone what caused the miscarriage. It was many years after it had happened before I told someone that my husband caused my miscarriage. That lady had no idea what I was going through, no idea that I was being physically and emotionally abused, but yet she criticized me for being upset.
What I learned in that situation is never to guess what someone else is going through. Never criticize someone for being emotional about their situation. No one can fully put themselves in someone else’s situation. No matter if you have been through something similar, do not think your situation is/was worse then theirs.
You can never truly know how someone else feels. Pray for the one that is hurting, and ask God what to say. Tell them that you are sorry for what has happened, comfort them with Scripture, and continue to pray for and with them.